Once in a While....

Written March 18th 2009

Every once and a while someone comes into your life that makes such an impact you hardly even recognize the changes that took place as a result.

For the few of you that read this that actually know me, you will know that i am incredibly reserved. i make comments that are more times then not uncalled for, relentless and more time then not very rude. However, not once have i spoken in times a truth that needed not be unsaid. i am very blunt with my words. Unfortunatly that is my personal flaw and my unique characteristic that makes me me. This is my delimma.

I have run into a situation as of late i do not know how to handle. Someone came into my life and has made much more of an impact then even i knew possible. I only met this person with such a brief period but i had taken each word to heart. she affected what i did in such a mannor that in such a short time i literally changed my lifestyle.

This person is my friend Nate (kalgorn), his mother. I unfortunatly only had the pleasure of meeting her only once. However her enthusiasm, and overall power of life had overwhelmed my core. She made such an impact in such a passive way that today i still remember her.

This has opened my eyes beyond anything that i personally am able to explain.

It is such a shame that death allows us to so easily evaulate our lives to the point of existance. Why are we here. what impacts do we make? well, judging by my current profile picture, i leave the impact that im an asshole. and to be honest that isnt what i want to portray.

I really dont want people to think i am an asshole. When i pass i want people to only tell the truth about me. I am a man of my word. This is how i was raised. I do my best to uphold every promise i give, every plan that i make regardless how little it may seem. I do whatever is within my power to make everyone happy, even if it is at the cost of my own happiness.

My friends have always meant the world to me. and i have done nothing short of making sure each one of them are aware of this.

My life, in its smallest of essence, is nothing without my friends. Which is sad, but true.

I am a very lonely person as much as it hurts to say. I am a person that doesnt believe in love. and i struggle so hard to uphold my religion and believe in a god. to believe in a god so fierce that will allow such a good person to endure such pain for so long. i see these people and the families they have, and i honestly i wish, i hope that i can take all of their pain away and i would walk these lines, i will endure this pain so they dont have to.

I have almost accepted the fact that i indeed will leave this place the way i came in. Alone. and although this is my biggest fear....like all fears it is something we all must come to terms with. and that i have.

i just only wish no more of my close friends will have to ever experience the pain and suffering of losing someone close. because this is something that i myself do not know how to help. No schooling, nothing, nothing can educate you on how to take this away.

I only hope i can be but a bystandard to help my friends go forward. allow them to know i am here for them, and will always be.

This past week, a wonderful woman was called. she was one of very few women that will ever touch me in a way i will never forget regardless how short i knew her. I will never forget the mark she has made in my life, on my heart. and the impact she will continue to make in my life. The family that she has been survived by will forever remember her memory. As i will make sure i allow her memory to live on through me.

And i only hope. I pray, and Jesus do i pray. that I somewhere will make an impact on someone as she has made on me.

Denise Elliot, you have been in my thoughts, and my prayers, and i hope nothing but the best for your family.

I will always be here for each of my friends, and never will i take my family or anyone else for granted.

We shape the lives of the people we encounter whether we like it or not. The impact we leave on them, is the only legacy we will ever leave behind.